Poetry, thoughts

Yeah, I Said It: An Open Reflection

A word that never belonged to my mother tongue
though I know we all originated from melanin
I was not born with it
I am yellow.
The word was never ours to use

But yeah, I said it.

A younger me obliviously using a word that meant all the harm
my intent was to do no harm
I never saw the damage in trying to fit into a black box that was never made for me
almost everyone said it, so I said it

And I continued to say it.

A crowd that never corrected my ways
we didn’t know any better
a normalcy of behaviours I emulated
I didn’t know any better

But yeah, I said it.

I can no longer run from my insensitivity
nightmares of uninformed patterns run through my mind
a fear of it all running back to me
a constant reminder of an erasure that is impossible
I stay restless

Because I used to say it.

I want to be at peace with my past
the her from those years is not who I am now
an open reflection, an open apology
so forgive me, or forgive me not
I see the hurt I have caused
the damage is done

Because I used to say it.

 

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