My favourite play in the book
but I stand frozen
unable to take the shot…


This is what I like to do when I go through some shit: isolate.

I isolate myself from everyone because I don’t want to burden them with my problems. I don’t want to burden them with my negativity. Nobody wants to deal with another’s problems. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, so why add onto their plate?

They’re my friends, they’re there for me, supporting me. I get it.

But I’d rather deal(suffer) on my own… I know they’re tired of hearing the same fucking story. Shit, I’m even tired of telling it because I hear the same responses repeatedly.

You’re one of the strongest people I know
You’ll get through this
You’ve been through this before, don’t worry
You’ll be fine
It gets better

Shit like that. It’s endearing but quite frankly I’m tired of it. I feel like I have to be strong to show everybody the power of resilience and picking yourself up again and mending your heart, blah blah blah, because that’s who I “am”. That is how I’ve built myself – from the rubble up, countless times.

But I’m convinced that the world doesn’t want to see a weak me.

I’m sick of pretending that I’m okay and getting by and dealing with it.
Are you okay?
No I’m not fucking okay but I’ve written so many lines on my face that it looks like a smile, that I look like I’m okay.

I thought I was getting better but it seems I’ve gotten better at suppressing how I truly feel.

I’m exhausted.

I just want to stay isolated and not interact with the outside world. Just leave me alone and let me crumble in peace (or pieces).



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