Do you see how much power she holds in just the spaces?
She leaves them open
Do you see how much force weighs in the just bones of her fingers?
How much strength she holds back because she knows what she is truly capable of?
I haven’t been myself lately and it’s evident. I was merely living in between the lines and not outside of the box I love to shield myself in.
But I have found my peace. Or so, I thought.
She no longer lives here. Serenity only filled the oxygen I was breathing for one fucking day. Now I feel sick and full of pollution.
I didn’t know how quickly my heart could be filled with such burning anger and hatred… It’s scary how it terrorized the love I struggled to but successfully build.
She doesn’t live here anymore.
And I’m scared.
My space has never been filled with such blistering negativity. If it had in the past, I made sure to rid of it before it encapsulates my entire being but I’m afraid it is too late.
My chest now rests in the pit of my stomach and I no longer have an appetite for anything.
I was told by many that my glow and happiness have inspired them to start/strengthen/continue their journey of self-discovery and self-love. I was told that my glow was so bright and beautiful…
To my friends reading this, to my friends that still care about me, to my friends that still love me despite this [temporary] storm, to those who looked up to me, to those who came to me for love and light and wisdom, to those who came to me for solace, to those that saw me as a “Queen”, to my cousins, to my sister…
I am sorry for disappointing you.
I’m never one to drag others down with me, so I ask that you respect my space. I won’t be here but I’ll still be around.
I know I’m going to look back at this post a few/several months from now and cringe at how I allowed this to happen to myself [again]. But I also know that I’m going to look back and be proud of how much I have grown from this bludgeoning moment and how much more I have loved myself.
But for now, I’ll keep fighting
this losing battle.
I miss her. If anyone sees her, tell her that home is waiting for her return.