A coping mechanism

A one-way ticket
To an attempt
At happiness
In places
That have not been



I lost myself

In a span of two weeks

My body floated freely

Being mobile was a routine

I lived day to day

Tomorrow pacing itself in

Two hands moving wisely

Dragging myself out of bed

My feet knew where to go

Numb without a beat

My heart vanished

When I lost you



I have burned myself to the core for the sole purpose of my renewal
and resurrected from the burdens of my past mistakes and decisions.

From these ashes I rise brand new
shedding any remnant of a past me you once knew
She no longer lives here
but her memories serve as lessons for as long as these wings pick up the winds beneath them
Reclaiming a newfound strength that is untouchable
feeding the stomach of her new being
she is nourished with knowledge, love, and light

Soaring to new heights, I am no longer afraid to fall
knowing I will rise once again



We were at peace in the meadows
fingers grazing the tips of the grass
outlining the sharpness of our edges
you kissed the sun with my lips
and made a bed with the flowers

I continued to chase this dream as you laid there
wide awake beside my oblivion
until your body could no longer handle the static
the numb unknowingness of your own limbs,
scared of the beat of your own heart
your soul left alongside your corpse

I woke up in a bed whose weight was filled
with only the imprint of your body
but I can still feel your heart beating
I can still feel your arm around me
cradling me
the memory hit me so vividly

But it can never replace the feeling
of your warmth radiating between the sheets
so I lay there in full consciousness
paralyzed to the fact that you went missing
I close my eyes again in hopes of dreaming
of the sun

I caught a glimpse of gray
a sluggish figure pushing both feet forward
restless but persistent on getting somewhere
its outline made out to be you
but his aura was dim
darker than I had last seen you

I observed from the distance
noticing the baggage you dragged along with you
witnessing you move along for days on end
mood never changing, only somber
slowly understanding why you left
before you could drag me along with you too

Many questions left unanswered
knowing I would have been your backbone
a lighthouse when needing guidance
though I realize this was never my battle to fight
I still wanted to be in your corner
but you never wanted me to be
so I just stand still
and wait

Time passes as my feet planted numb in the soil I stand on
watching your hands tick and feet move
to the pace of your heartbeat
it hurts to remember what that was like
and hurts to remember how strong my legs have been
all this time

So I wonder if you forgot about me already
not once have you remembered
how tall I stood
how firmly my feet have been planted
I wonder if you still care
or if you ever did
because he would have never left me
It seems that was the old you

Time continues to pass me by
until one day we meet at a crossroads
I’m standing at the edge of the meadow
you on the concrete in front of me
both waiting to see who crosses
the line




Curves full of body and soul,
are your hands whole enough to hold her?

Are they strong enough to not let her slip through the cracks of your fingers?
Do you see how much she carries between them?
How much power she holds in just the spaces?

She leaves them open
for you

But are your hands ready?
Are you willing to have knuckles crack at the expense of freedom,
willing to get your fingernails dirty,
willing to risk breaking bones
Are you willing?

Are you enough?

Are your hands delicate enough to cradle her heart
letting it pulse in your palms
transferring energy through your fingertips

Can you feel her pain?

Can you feel the number of times it has broken before you
its tears still in the process of healing
can you feel them too?
its beat emulating the syllables of lies she has heard before you
following a basic algorithm

Are you the one to solve this calculation?

Are you smart enough to decode her locks?

Maybe you can unlock her walls
revealing the bareness of something real

But will she let you?

Unknowing of the weight of it all
are you ready to catch her when she falls?

Are your hands bold enough to hold her back when she wants to chase danger?

What if she wanted to chase you?

What if she wanted to keep chasing you into tomorrow,
making each tomorrow better
so it feels like you’re forever living

Do you still want to hold her then?

What if forever is not enough for her
what if she wanted yesterday

So how about now?

Will you still be there to hold her tomorrow?

If she brings a tsunami will you offer your hand
or do you watch her drown in her own faults

But what if she brings the sun?
Do you hide yourself from chances at burning
or embrace her radiance

Endless possibilities with predictable reason
her energy fed with passion unlike another

Can you handle it?

She will always be more,
never empty
a continuous refill of might

A woman with such power holds the nerve
has the audacity to make a man question if he is
to hold

This power held not with her words
nor actions
but with a simple glare
that gleam in her eyes that asks,

Are you scared yet?
Are you enough?
Are you love?

But are you man enough
to let her know,

You are
You are not



my mind spewing out words
working overtime
instead of slowing down

the steam from my drive
starts cooking thoughts
under pressure
my mind still racing
to an unidentified finish line
I still push

I still run
every letter forming words
into sentences without sense
my brain tensing up
muscles failing to move

I pause
catching myself
before falling
I still catch myself
before falling




Poetry, The Rooted Series