thoughts

Chasing Dopamine: A Conversation

My friend had DM’ed me while I was on my Greyhound bus from Vegas to LA and this was the [edited] conversation that had transpired:

“What have you gained from this experience?”

Thus far? Knowing my capabilities.. My limits..

Funny bc everyone Ive met has said the same things about me which basically reinforces what I already know but Ive never owned it. Im owning me and what I do and who I am, especially as a woman. That’s one

Two, Ive had convos with folks who have also told me to do fuck all before settling. Make sure I got me before anything else. I feel like I already do in a sense lmao but there is so much of me I have yet to learn and experience and love and change/grow. Like, I deadass forget Im only 21. I have the world ahead of me especially with the opportunities I am taking and making for myself

Im meeting hella people, yeah, but that shit never mattered to me unless I leave some type of imprint or I learn something from them and vice versa

Energy never dies nor lies, yo. Shit is hella real lol

“Expand on ‘as a woman’”

Im still trying to deconstruct that tbh

But I feel like this whole self awareness thing plays a huge part in it. Im getting more in touch with my emotions, my mind, and my body and being comfortable with who I am. But also comfortable enough to know that I have to step out of that zone in order for me to progress. Words mean a lot and hold so much power so I try my best to think about what I say. I think how I portray myself is also important. Lmao Ive cleaned up over the years and Im just hella growing from here. But yeah, Ive grown to be comfortable in my shell. Im built different but Ive also built myself differently, if that makes sense


 

I can’t find the right words for it, but as I was typing all this to him, everything started to feel in place. Like I was supposed to be there in that exact moment. The serenity in me finding myself while on the way to my next destination opened another path for me, showing me that this is what love is supposed to feel like. This is what peace is supposed to feel like. This is what happiness is supposed to feel like. So best believe I was crying while typing that. It’s been a long ass time since I have felt in balance with my emotional, mental, and physical being. With those three in sync, I feel like my spiritual being has become more full than ever.

I am content with my journey. I am satisfied. However, that does not mean that I am not hungry for more.

This just means that I have taken that step towards that sense of more. This means that I am no longer afraid of who I am becoming – who I am supposed to be. Am I afraid of the journey? Best believe I am. But with every day comes new lessons and a stronger sense of preparedness.

I have grown to love and live within my solitude. And that’s all you really need on this journey. The comfort of being by yourself, the comfort of being in your head, the comfort of knowing you will be in uncomfortable situations. All of this is a part of a process.

In knowing that, it’s up to you on whether or not you want to ride.

But for me? I’m already riding my waves. And I’m grateful for the fact that I know how to swim.

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Music

Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean – No Pressure

 

[Verse 1: Justin Bieber]
You ain’t gotta answer none of my calls
I’m believing you’ll pick up one day
I don’t wanna add to your pain at all
I’m praying that time makes a change in your life
I’m realizing how much you made a change in my life
And I don’t wanna spend it with nobody else
Hear me? Don’t nobody deserve myself
Oh no, baby what I’m saying is

[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Right now, don’t rush, no pressure
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Calm down, don’t rush, no pressure

[Verse 2: Justin Bieber]
Thought that you were in it for the paper
Never thought I’d take you serious
Now I need you, not a moment later
Losin’ it, I’m so delirious
And I’ma put up a fight for it
Never give up a love like this
Finally I found someone
That can do me like no other
Talking to my conscience
I made a few mistakes
I did it to myself
I’m the only one to blame
I know you need a little while to believe again
To love again

[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Right now, don’t rush, no pressure
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
I’ll be waiting for you
Don’t rush, no pressure
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Right now, don’t rush, no pressure
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Don’t rush, no pressure

[Bridge: Justin Bieber]
Put my key in the ignition
Don’t rush it girl, just stretch it out for me
I know that you ain’t got no place to be
Girl I need your attention
And every time I see you make that face
I wanna love you all over the place
Don’t do it, baby
Don’t do it to me, no, no

[Verse 3: Big Sean]
I know you don’t wanna talk, right
We’ve been on and off like the cross lights
You heard I’m playin’ with them hoes like I golf, right?
When I touch you, I get frostbite
Girl you’re so cold, so cold, so cold
How we so young but livin’ so old?
In the bed together but we sleepin’ solo
That could drive you loco
You supposed to be my uno, Yoko Ono
Oh no, round two again
We’ve been fighting more than Ryu and Ken
Last time we argued eight straight days
I learned my lesson, I got straight As
And I know it’s deeper than masseuses
Oh, you know I eat the cookie like I’m Lucious
Go ahead and take the time
But it’s a waste of time if your waist ain’t on mine
Think about it

[Chorus: Justin Bieber]
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
(make your mind up)
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
(right now)
Don’t rush, no pressure
(there ain’t no pressure)
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
(no ohh)
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
(I’ll be waiting for you)
Don’t rush, no pressure
(baby don’t rush)
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
Don’t rush, no pressure
(You can take it easy now)
You ain’t gotta make your mind up
You ain’t gotta make your mind up right now
(And I’ll still be right here)
Don’t rush , no pressure

[Outro: Justin Bieber]
Say yeah, say yeah
You ain’t gotta make your mind up now
Know I did you wrong
Let your heart heal
Don’t rush, no pressure

 

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Music

Justin Bieber – Mark My Words

 

 

[Chorus]
Mark my words, that’s all that I have
Mark my words, give you all I got
In every way I will
You’re the only reason why
Oh I don’t wanna live a lie
Mark my words
Mark my words

[Verse]
So you heard it all before
Falling in and out of trust
Trying to rekindle us
Only to lose yourself
But I won’t let me lose you
And I won’t let us just fade away
After all that we’ve been through
I’ma show you more than I ever could say

[Chorus]
Mark my words, that’s all that I have
Mark my words, give you all I got
In every way I will
You’re the only reason why
Oh I don’t wanna live a lie
Mark my words
Mark my words

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